Did I show you my penis last night?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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