oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
