it was like his penis was on wheels.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
