he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
