well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
