Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
