For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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