i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
