Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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