I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
