I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
