Christians are straight up FREAKS
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
