At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
