you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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