i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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