i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
