I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Enjoy the penises
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
