I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
