I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
