It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
