best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
