i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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