Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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