Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
