i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
