Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
