I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
