Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i love accidental penises.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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