dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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