Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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