It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
