The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
