I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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