Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
