all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
