I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
