Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
