Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
