Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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