I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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