i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
