im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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