I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
