What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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