im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
