Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
