I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
