I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
