Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
