low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
